Meditating is said to be very good for depression but what happens when you feel so awful that you can't even bring yourself to get into meditation mode? That's what I was struggling with the past few days. Well I guess it's been nearly a solid week of struggle for me. Struggle to get out of bed, struggle to eat, struggle to fight tears. Just horrible feelings that came out of nowhere. This is a side effect of the hormone therapy I'm currently on for treatment of
endometriosis and
adenomyosis. I've always had depressed tendencies and fell into a deep depression a couple years ago while working an office job I once enjoyed. I was clinically depressed for about 2-3 years and somewhere in there I started feeling better. I think it was shortly after my wedding and shortly when a doctor started to take me seriously when I told her how much pain I was in. Finally having a doctor believe me when I explained how painful my periods were and that the pain didn't end when my periods ended, that was soooo vital to me feeling better emotionally. But the hormone treatment they recommended before surgery... this is controlling me now and at 6 weeks into the therapy, it is really a whole new battle.
So where was I? Today I got to meditating. For my birthday a friend of mine gave me some money. I thought I would get a crystal for healing to try and help with my meditation. I picked up a Selenite tower from a beautiful local shop known as
EARTH GODDESS . They have truly amazing stuff. Totally recommend going in if you live in Nova Scotia.
Anyway I got this lovely selenite tower and it helped me get back into meditation. Some people go on about how you shouldn't focus on physical objects but your senses are important to meditation and that's what mindfulness is about. So focusing my senses on something can help improve the quality of my meditation, give me something to believe in when I can't believe in myself in that moment. There's nothing wrong with borrowing a little help from an object. Just remember that you do always have a connection to the All even when you don't feel it. I think grabbing a plant, a stone you've found is a perfect way to ground yourself. It's not about spending money. I just happened to receive money as a birthday gift and this was how I chose to use it.
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